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Sometimes I feel my heart so deeply all my plans and projects fall away. These seven ways can be used for celebration.

Other times I go barren and numb, denying love, denying my power. These seven ways can be used for holding.

If they help one person, it will be enough.

 

Self-Massage

In 2015 I returned home – to a small, rural town – after 6 years in Oceania. Though the challenges and gifts of such a shift were many, what hurt most was the lack of touch.

I had lived – really lived – among communities and cultures generous with their physical intimacy; my coldness melted and squeezed out by a series of determined friends, lovers and villages. Contrast this with my first 25 years, during which I had not seen my parents hug, kiss or display much beyond a wearisome tolerance of each other (separate beds, certainly no touching).

This created conditions for learning about self-massage. As Deepak Chopra has said

…there is no greater expression of self-love than lovingly anointing ourselves from head to toe with warm oil…

In traditional Ayurvedic medicine this practice is called Abhyanga – a study of which* I highly recommend if this is something which appeals to you. Or perhaps it doesn’t… perhaps you find yourself rejecting and ignoring your body (as I sometimes do)… demanding performance without answering its calls, its messages… in which case self-touch may be a terrifying prospect.

You needn’t have any massage experience. This self-nourishment can be as simple as drawing the curtains, lighting a candle and meeting your body via touch. Stroking, kneading, pulsing, rubbing, tapping, resting… with or without oils, technique or agenda. For me, just choosing to enter into this time with myself is itself the gateway to reconnection.

*There are many great practitioners, books and websites out there. One I like is Ayurvedic Secrets of Healing by Maya Tiwari

 

Call a friend then practice feeling your heart

What is behind the anxiety, sadness and disconnect I often feel while near humans? For twenty years, I did not know. Now, as often as I can, I feel my heart while speaking with another – over the phone, face-to-face, even by email. The depth to which I can feel my heart, belly, root and feet is also the limit of my presence in any moment.

I do the work before we meet – in meditation and asana; in my daily choices, intentions and courage; by going out into nature; by doing what is necessary – so that when you are standing in front of me, and I have been graced with good fortune, it is not impossible to feel whole, gentle, present, relaxed and responsive; cognizant of the divine; emotions transmuted into the simple, glorious shimmer of somatic data, unburdened by story or need.

 

Epsom Salt Bath

Let me be upfront about this: I am an Epsom Salt Bath missionary. Come to me with almost any chronic ailment and I will happily turn the taps for you, swirling together the right blend of oils and herbs to go with this most exquisite healing/celebratory substance.

Filling the tub ⅔ full with warm – definitely not scalding – water, dissolve 500g (2 cups) Salts – half that much for children, more for a larger (80kg+) person.

Want a more intense detoxification? I may add 120ml of apple cider vinegar.

Deeper relaxation? 60g bicarbonate of soda.

Dry skin? A few glugs of cold-pressed coconut/olive/sesame oil.

Getting all fancy? Flowers, rose petals, cardamom pods, seaweed… it’s up to you!

Stay in there for 20-40min, then finish with a (you guessed it!) cold shower.

 

Forage for Tea

I recently ran a retreat-centre kitchen, cooking for 70 men over 3 days. My work began at 6am and finished at 1030pm. Until this year, such a schedule would have been a recipe for some extreme self-neglect.

Yet, I am changing. During this time, I was able to take short breaks, walking barefoot through the surrounding forests and meadows to collect herbs, berries and flowers for use in the kitchen.

This helped me slow down, reconnect to my fuller self and deeper purpose.

If plant-connection is a way to nourishment which interests you, begin by identifying one common plant* – dandelion, say, or nettle – whatever grows in abundance in your area.

Pick enough to fill a french-press style coffee maker** and rinse off any dirt. Place in your brewing vessel, cover with boiling water, then wait as long as you like and serve.

I like to have one dose after about 30 seconds, then refill and let steep for 5-60min.

Making tea in this way invites me to feel what is, connect to the divine and feel gratitude for all life. Alongside that are the incredible flavours and medicinal impact of wild plants carefully chosen and reverently prepared.

*This list is a great place to start
** Don’t have one? Try a jug and sieve instead

 

Journal

Sometimes I feel empty – no judgements, hopes, fears etc – until I start writing, ‘morning pages’ style.

Twenty minutes later? Wow. I did not know that was in me.

Sometimes just getting it out – allowed, expressed and seen – is all it takes for my self-nourishment blockage to move along.

Try it.

Perhaps you find a poem to your lover – whether real or desired. Perhaps a letter to your dad – though he died many years ago. Perhaps only the unravelling of thought into the space of white paper as the heart glows and glows.

I also find journalling to be a useful tool for perceiving the passage of time and sensing the bigger picture of (my) life.

 

Do nothing

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone

-Pascal

 

Practice not-doing

And everything will fall into place

-Lao Tzu

 

Doing nothing is harder than it sounds. I relate it to the effortless effort of meditation – there I can taste it, and so recognize its presence or lack in my daily life.

Sometimes, I struggle to do ONE thing – I can’t just eat, I need to read at the same time; I can’t just walk, I must also meditate, play at being a buddha etc.

Though I can tell you this: when I DO sit with a bowl of food, bereft of entertainment but for a few candles, I invite a state of being which feels deeply right. A sense of almost unbearable gratitude and sadness – gratitude for the river of life; sadness for not always feeling it.

Do nothing. I will try to do nothing too.

 

Read inspiring books

Sometimes I think there is nothing I can do to shift myself out of a disconnected, contracted or depressive state. I’ll just have to wait it out.

Then I remember the power of word-songs to activate presence and beauty; to remind me who I am, renewing my desire to LIVE and GIVE fully.

I self-administer a hearty dose of Rumi or Deida… soon I am breathing deeply again, and the journey continues.